Do you remember your wedding day? It was your big day with flowers and good wishes all around, and the two of you deeply in love. Do you remember your honeymoon and the sweet, tender love that flourished between you and your husband? I’m sure it still puts a smile on your face!
I was so much in love with my husband after our wedding day… but it didn’t last long. In the fifth month of our marriage I became pregnant and my husband had to travel for work. I was alone on bed-rest and eventually went into a deep depression. This morphed into postpartum depression after my son was born, and resentment towards my husband started building up in me.
I hated my husband with the same passion that I loved him. I would feel only hatred towards him one day, and then two days later I would love him fiercely. I don’t know if you can relate to how I used to love and hate the very same person. I realized that love and hate are just two sides of the same coin. Some things would trigger the hate and other things would trigger the love.
All in all, it was a mess. I was a mess! God took me through a journey, teaching me different ways to change the hatred I felt to pure love. These are lessons God taught me, and I’m sure they will help you to rekindle your lost love too.
1. Love God
Jesus is the only lover you need; only He can fill you and meet your emotional needs. We were created to be filled by His love and no other love (not even our husband’s) will fulfill us like God ‘s.
2. Look for Things that Made You Fall in Love in the First Place
As life happens, we all tend to change. Your husband might have changed a bit but he’s still the same person. Instead of seeing only his faults, look for the positive side of him – the things that attracted you when you were newly married.
3. Don’t Take Your Husband for Granted
Your husband is a gift from God. Unless you unwrap him, the best side of him will remain under cover. And how do you unwrap him? By appreciating him, of course! It took me a long time to start appreciating my husband, but it worked wonders for our marriage. Take time to appreciate all the small things your husband does, because what you have now is to be appreciated.
4. Don’t Push Your Expectations onto Him
This is by far the biggest mistake I’ve made in my marriage. Your husband is in no way perfect, and neither are you. Try to accept him as he is, rather than pushing him to be the man you want him to be. Tell him that you love him for who he is!
5. Reminisce Your Fun Filled Days Together
View your wedding album or watch your wedding video together. Think about an experience you had as newlyweds and reminisce about it together. Try to bring up an instance that made you laugh out loud in the past, and laugh again together.
6. Take Control of Your Negative Thought Chains
I don’t know about you, but something will trigger a negative thought in my head, which will lead to another, and soon forms a chain of negative thoughts against my husband. I realized it was the devil’s way of sneaking in and claiming my heart and my thoughts. I prayed about it and God gave me a solution. The instant the first negative thought pops into my mind, I should stop thinking and start praying. And it worked!
Yes, there are days when I don’t stop and pray – I think I’m immune and have my thoughts under control. But I don’t, and the same thought patterns wreck havoc again. Make it a habit to stop and pray when a negative thought about your husband enters your head. Even if you fail on some days, don’t give up – try again.
7. Learn Your Husband’s Love Language
Speak your husband’s love language and do it often. My husband’s love language is acts of service, and when I take time to do something special for him, he really takes note of it. At the onset of marriage, we all knowingly or unknowingly speak all the five love languages. We were filling a need, but as days went by, we stopped doing it. Find out what makes your husband feel loved and be intentional about doing it just for him.
8. Sit and Listen to Him
This was very difficult for me to do, personally as my mind was constantly in work mode even when I sat alongside my husband. I realized this was doing my marriage no favors and decided to sit by my husband with an open mind – and listen without interrupting him. Other things can wait. Simply sit with your husband and listen to him. Start with just 10 minutes and no talking please! At first, he may not even talk much because he is so used to you being preoccupied. But use this time to grow your friendship, and let him open up and start speaking to you from his heart.
9. Initiate or Be Ready for More Sex
Sex is designed by God, not just for reproduction but also for building up the intimacy between you and your husband. Regardless of what people might say, sex is more than just a physical release. In some mysterious way, sex involves our emotions too. So having sex often leads to more intimacy in the physical and emotional realm.
10. Cry to God with a Broken Spirit
There are some things that we don’t have any control over, but God does. It was God who restored my marriage when I cried out to Him and said, “I can’t do this alone… I’m messing it up. I’m weak, Lord and I need You.” And then He took over. The beautiful marriage I have now is His doing; all glory goes to Him alone. I couldn’t have possibly done it alone!
We are weak but He is strong. When we cry out to God with a broken spirit saying we can’t do it on our own, then His power takes over. Seek God with your broken heart and He will restore your marriage. Lower yourself, cry out and submit whatever aches your heart to Jesus. He will make marvelous things happen. I know this really works… I am living proof!
Sunu @ Clothed In Scarlet