I listened as my two youngest daughters played and laughed together in the next room. Strangely, instead of the feelings of joy that you would expect those types of sounds to evoke, I felt a pang of fear. Does motherhood ever scare you? It does me.
Having 8 kids ranging in age from 21 to 3 years old, I have already experienced several of my kids navigating the stormy teenage years, followed by pulling up anchor and heading outside of the relatively safe haven of our home. From driving, to friends, to finding their purpose, to finding their spouse–it is no small thing watching your children head out on their own, fearing the worst and hoping for the best.
I know that one day those sweet girls playing innocently within ear shot of my home office will leave home as well.
I know that they will be hurt by the unkind remarks of others.
I know that they will struggle with who the world says they should be and who they were created to be by God.
I know that one day they will question my tastes and traditions and perhaps even my authority and wisdom.
I know full well the human propensity to mess up God’s perfect will.
I know that they may well make mistakes that will affect the rest of their lives. These things are out of my control. Just as God gives me free will to choose how I spend my days here on earth, so has He given our children.
Knowing these things, knowing that my kids will suffer in this world, that despite our best attempts to train up our children in the way that they should go, to raise them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, to lead them to taste and see that the Lord is indeed good–they may choose another path.
I want so badly to put my children inside a bubble to protect them from the struggles and disappointments that they will surely face in this life.
And this thing, this fear, it drives me, by God’s omniscient wisdom, to my knees where I lay all of these fears at His feet.
And somehow this is all part of God’s great plan–this weakness, this bowing, this laying down of fear, this trusting, this sanctification, and finally, this peace that passes all understanding.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-8